Florida to Zoophiles: Go Back to Kentucky, or Any One of More Than a Dozen Other States

Florida to Zoophiles: Go Back to Kentucky, or Any One of More Than a Dozen Other States

By Steve Huff in bizarre
Saturday, March 21, 2009, at 12:52 pm
Many zoophiles recently looked up from their sticky, well-thumbed copies of Cat Fancy

Magazine to find themselves dismayed by this news out of the Sunshine State:
The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida now that a Senate committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals.

Florida is one of only 16 states that still permit bestiality - a fact that animal-rights activist and Sunrise Sen. Nan Rich learned to her horror when a Panhandle man three years ago was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat with which he was copulating...

It's true, sickos - Florida would prefer you no longer violate and suffocate family pets on their swampy, beer-soaked ground or cocaine-whitened beaches. Even though certain legislators aren't entirely sure as to just what this whole sexing the puppies thing is about:

[Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard asked], "People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?"

Based on completely unreliable information gleaned from this online petition for stopping bestiality, it would appear that if you want to fiddle with Fido or go down on Rover you will eventually have to take the party to one of the following states instead of Florida (where, really, they have enough trouble as it is): "Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut [...] Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia, Wyoming."

One important thing to remember about getting your freakier than freaky freak on in those states, though - don't videotape it. Aside from the tidal wave of karmic justice that will one day sweep you down into the fiery pit to be eternally assaulted over and over by rabid hyenas wearing clown masks, videotaping the schtupping of an innocent animal is a federal crime that will net you federal time, no matter where your barn of destiny may be.
http://www.truecrimereport.com/2009/03/florida_to_zoophiles_go_back_t.php